"I can't believe your mum is that designer? I literally spend any spare money I have on her clothes." Annabelle beamed as we headed down the corridor to class.
I wasn't sure how she had only just found this out considering it had been very quickly passed around the college the moment I started. I had intended to go with a clean slate, to start college without anyone knowing who I was. I didn't want to relive high school, where I had to constantly question whether my friends were truly in it for me, or because of who my mum was.
"I saw her new collection that was released yesterday and oh my God, I am in love with it! Do you get to like try it all? Your wardrobe must be insane, no wonder you always dress so good!"
She was sucking up to me big time. I purposely made sure to never wear any of my mum's designs to college, and spent the majority of my time here in the most basic outfits I could find. There was no way she had any clue how I dressed in my spare time.
"Are you going with her to that interview on Good Morning America? I saw they announced it on Twitter this morning." Annabelle continued, clearly not getting the hint that I was really uninterested.
"No." I replied simply, in hope of making it clear to her but she didn't notice.
"Why not? I would totally be making the most of that! I bet you'd be treated like a star."
"It's not really my thing." I muttered. "It's my mum's job."
"Yeah, but it's not like any old job, is it?"
I shrugged my shoulders. To me, it was. I didn't know much different. My mum had worked in the fashion industry since I could remember, it was normal.
"Plus, you want to be an actor right? So you must want to be famous! You get the greatest head start with your mum." Annabelle continued and I was finding myself getting more and more frustrated.
She was saying everything I had always hoped people would never say or think, and it was making me even more unsure about the decisions I was making for my life.
"I don't want to do this to be famous." I sighed, hoping the tone in my voice would give her the hint I was over talking about this.
"Really? Then why are you here? You don't really need a degree in anything, you could just work for your mum like your sister!"
Suddenly pausing just outside my class, I finally turned to look at Annabelle.
"How do you even know what my sister does? Do you know her?"
"Well no, not personally but I know of her."
"Right..." I trailed off, preventing myself from continuing this conversation, knowing I would say something that I would regret. "I have to go, so have a good day."
"Oh no, don't worry! I'm in this class." Annabelle added, before hooking her arm through mine and practically pulling me into the room. "Oh yeah, and talking about your sister, I hope this doesn't sound too offensive or anything but do you have different dads?"
"Sorry?" I asked, slightly startled by her comment.
I could already see where this was going to go but I couldn't help but be a little surprised at how upfront she was being about it.
"It's just I always noticed you didn't look like your mum so I assumed your dad was a different race, you know? But then when I saw Phoebe, I realised that maybe Aaron wasn't your dad."
I didn't know how this girl even knew who my dad was, or his name but I was beginning to get more and more disturbed by the second. I hated this. I hated the fact that people could find stuff out about me without asking me first. People could figure out my personal life before they had even met me.
"No, Aaron is my dad." I responded, not feeling as though I should have to explain myself but I should have known she was going to ask more questions.
"Oh... so, um, how does that work?"
"What do you mean?"
I knew what she meant, obviously, but I wanted to make her feel just as uncomfortable as I was right now.
"Well because you don't look like your mum or dad, so are you like... sorry to ask, but are you adopted?"
I laughed because I didn't know how else to react. I was uncomfortable, frustrated, but also amused that someone had this much cheek to be this nosey when we had never spoken much until now.
"No, my parents just magically had a Nepali kid." I mocked, waiting for her to catch on that I was joking.
She finally did and responded with a very awkward laugh.
"That's so cool you're adopted then! I did think you were when I saw Phoebe, but I didn't want to be rude and assume."
I could have told her right there and then that my sister was actually adopted too however, I assumed if she was so interested in googling my family, she'd finally figure it out for herself.
"What's it like then? Were you really young or?" Annabelle continued to ask and I was now debating just leaving this class all together and calling quits on today.
"It's not like anything, it's just normal. They're my parents, that's all there is to it." I replied, trying to keep my cool however, I was internally jumping for joy when the class began, causing Annabelle to finally stop talking.
I was so ready for this day to be over and it was only 8.30am.
....
"Hey T, I didn't realise you were coming home tonight." My mum beamed the moment I walked into the kitchen.
She was currently sat up the kitchen table with Amiya, both with their sketchbooks out. While my mum was drawing up some incredible designs, my little sister was trying her hardest to make hers look just as good. I wouldn't say it to her face, but they definitely didn't quite match up...
"Yeah, I just wanted to come back and see you all. I needed to get away for a bit." I replied, wanting to tell my mum exactly what was going on but also feeling a bit guilty as it revolved around her.
"Why, what's up? Come here."
Making my way over to the table, I leaned over to pull Amiya into a quick hug before taking a seat beside my mum. She was watching me intently at this point and I knew she could tell that this wasn't over something petty.
"Just college." I muttered, not wanting to dive straight into it but knowing she'd get it out of me eventually.
"What happened?"
"It's stupid but just this girl asking questions and then acting like she knows me." I began and my mum instantly began to catch on where I was going with this. We'd had very similar conversations before. "She was talking about you and then asking me questions about the family. It was weird."
"What was she saying?" My mum asked, and I could see the concern in her eyes and I instantly felt guilty bringing this up. I knew she felt bad every time we talked about it.
"It was more just uncomfortable how much she knew about me and you... and the whole family really. She mentioned you were going to be on good morning America, and I didn't even realise that so I felt a bit stupid."
"I'm sorry T, I should have told you that... actually I should have asked you. I know you hate it all."
The guilt in my mum's voice just piled on my guilt even more however, at the same time, I couldn't help but feel so frustrated by it all.
"It's fine. It's part of your job. You have to do it."
"I don't have to go on that show or anything. It's just..." She began before I cut her off.
"...advertising. So you should do it."
Placing her pencil down against the sketchbook, my mum then reached out for her phone before typing away for a few seconds. I wondered what she was doing for a moment before she turned it around to face me.
"I'll cancel it, see. I just have to send this email to my PA and I won't have to go."
"No, mum. No, don't do that. I don't want you to just cancel it for me. Honestly!" I quickly panicked at how easy she made it all seem.
I did hate the fact that her career had put her in the public eye, bringing along the whole family too however, I also knew she hadn't intended for it to go this way. I was proud of my mum's success and always would be, I just wasn't as comfortable being apart of it.
"I don't mind. It's not a big deal."
"Yes it is. You have this new collection that you worked hard on, you should show it off!"
Pausing for a moment, I could see my mum was debating it in her mind. I knew deep down she wanted to do this, it was a huge deal for her to go and show off her hard work but at the same time, she didn't want to upset me in the process.
I hated being the only child that didn't like the attention. I should have been grateful but I couldn't help but hate every second of it. Kaden was lucky, he had moved back to Brighton and managed to escape it all but I didn't want that. I loved living here. I loved New York and being with my family but I just didn't feel like I matched my mum's lifestyle. It didn't fit who I was.
"Okay, I won't send it but promise me you'll tell me if you change your mind." My mum began before reaching out to urge me into her arms. "...and then I promise you that I won't answer any questions about you or your brother and sisters. Do we have a deal?"
I was smiling into my mum's warm embrace and I was going to go along with it, but deep down it wasn't what I wanted. I wanted all of this attention to just stop yet at the same time, I knew that asking for that, was taking away all of the hard work my mum had put into her career and that wasn't fair. I was supposed to be supporting her, like Phoebe was so willingly doing but I couldn't help but just want to be normal.
0 comments: