....
"She's implying you've brought her drinks before, so you must have been out together. When was it?" Jess bit, not prepared to back down.
She knew Jack and she didn't believe for a second he would ever intentionally do something to hurt her. However, right now she was managing to fill her mind with so many crazy thoughts.
The moment she had fallen sick and gone through the treatment and operation in hospital, Jess had felt like a completely different person. At the time she had lost some of her independence and to her, that was losing the strong woman she had always been.
As a result, she had experienced extreme insecurities like never before. It was exhausting not only for her but Jack too however, something like this was really not helping with the way she was still feeling.
"I haven't been out with her." Jack fort back as his foot pressed down on the accelerator that little bit more, making the car speed up. "I saw her when I went to the pub with the guys a few weeks ago but that was it."
"And you brought her a drink."
"Well yeah but it wasn't anything like you're thinking. I saw her at the bar, so I just did it then."
"Right." Jess muttered before turning to look out the window, feeling exhausted even though she knew it wouldn't have been nothing.
It wouldn't matter to her how much Jack insisted it wasn't a big deal, she couldn't help but feel like it was. If roles were reversed and she had brought some guy a drink at the bar, he would have been absolutely fuming however, he couldn't seem to understand it when it was him.
"You can't be mad about that, Jess! It's not a big deal." Jack exasperated as he took a sharp bend a little faster than he should have done, causing them both to shift with the car.
"Oh, can't I? I'm sorry, I totally forgot you controlled what I could and couldn't be mad about." Jess retorted sarcastically.
The attitude in her voice was obvious at this point but she had a very tactful way of keeping herself composed while doing so.
"Is this the only message there is then? If I scrolled back there would be nothing there to make me believe you'd been fucking around behind my back?"
Not even giving Jack chance to answer her question, Jess did just that. Usually, she never would have even dreamed of going through his phone as that was just something that screamed a lack of trust in a relationship.
She trusted him with her life, she always had from the moment they said 'I do' but for some reason she couldn't shake this feeling off.
Previously she would have viewed his late nights and long days working as exactly that, him overworking himself but her mindset had completely changed.
Due to Jess' sickness, so much had changed in their relationship. She had spent so many nights in hospital and had suddenly become so much more dependent than she ever wanted to be. Therefore, Jess' biggest fear had been that he would lose interest in her the way he had held previously. She feared that his love wouldn't be the same and he would no longer look at her the same way, so this incident was just confirming every one of those thoughts.
"Amalie; hey Jack, are you coming out tonight?" Jess read out the first message and Jack didn't respond as his eyes remained on the road ahead of him.
"No answer from you but again, Amalie; It was good to catch up today! It had been way too long!" Jess read out the next one, making sure to add sarcastic emphasis to cover up how she was truly feeling inside.
"Jack; it was. Where have you been?"
"Amalie; I went back home to visit family for a few months. I bet you missed my face at that garage of yours!"
Jess felt physically sick as she read those words. Her stomach churned at the flirtatious tone behind them and how they were directed right at her husband.
"Jack; Nope. And I didn't miss that shitty cars of yours, that's for sure."
"Amalie: you know you did! don't even try and lie to yourself. Your eyes lit up."
As Jess continued to read the back and forth conversation for a little longer, Jack's grip on the steering wheel just got tighter. As the seconds passed and more words left Jess' lips his body was boiling with so much anger that he couldn't even explain.
While sending these texts to Amalie it had crossed his mind that they were going a step too far but at the same time, he managed to convince himself otherwise.
Jack had managed to divert every flirtatious remark she had made with something a lot more innocent easing his guilt that little bit more.
While his messages had turned to something car based or involving the guys, the whole conversation had still occurred in a way that made Jess feel completely and utterly sick.
"Amalie; thanks for the drink last night, you..." Jess continued to read before she was suddenly cut off by Jack's sharp voice.
"Just fucking stop!" He yelled, the tone in his voice causing Jess to jump as her head turned to look at him.
It was at this point she noticed not only the guilt consuming him but also the unexpected anger. His chest was rising and falling with so much force as his eyes remained on the road. He didn't once turn to look at Jess and instead continued to drive further down the road until he reached a lay-by where he was able to pull over into.
Slamming his foot on the break, the car came to an immediate halt causing both of their bodies to follow the movement. Jess just watched as Jack turned off the ignition before leaning back into his seat while not saying a word.
They both remained silent as the only sound that surrounded them was the roar of the cars passing by. While Jess gripped onto Jack's phone with her eyes back on the messages before her, Jack still refused to look her way, only frustrating her more.
"You can't even make up a shitty excuse for it, can you?" Jess bit, trying to keep her voice composed as she refused to show any signs of hurt or vulnerability.
She was fuming and she wanted him to know it.
"I was polite to that girl today. I listened to her shitty small talk as she told me how fucking amazing you were and little did I know you've been texting her for months!"
As Jess threw Jack's phone across the dashboard, he didn't attempt to reach for it or even comment at the now cracked screen. Instead, he let out a long sigh before speaking up for the first time since they had come to a stop.
"It hasn't been months." He mumbled under his breath. "It's not what you think."
"Oh don't give me that bullshit, Jack! I've just read those sick texts with my own damn eyes. You can't feed me some shitty story so don't even try to."
"I know it was wrong. I know I should have just ignored them or told her to stop." Jack continued, even though Jess had already insisted she didn't want to hear his excuses. "But I never said anything I shouldn't have done to her. I made it about the cars, I talked about stuff she probably didn't give two shits about. I just..." Jack paused for a moment as he tried to co-ordinate what he was thinking with what was leaving his lips. "...I was just soaking up the attention."
It was Jess' turn to remain silent this time as she didn't know what to say to him. She wanted to scream, shout and make sure Jack realised what he had actually done but she felt too numb to do so.
She had seen the dates on these messages and knew exactly when they happened. She knew this was when she had been at home recovering from what had been the most traumatic period in her life. She knew that this had been when she had been lying in bed, barely able to do anything and that's what made it hurt even more.
"Things between us were rough. You wouldn't let me do anything to help you..." Jack began to say before Jess immediately cut him off.
"So you think texting some other girl behind my back is okay, yeah? Because I was laying in bed unable to do anything, you thought it would be fun to get your ego stroked by one of your customers!"
"No. It wasn't like that. I didn't want her attention in that way. I didn't give a fuck whether she was flirting or not." Jack began shaking his head. "It was just..., I guess it just felt good to act as though everything was fine. It felt good to have messages from someone who wasn't sending their condolences as though I was fucking losing you. The 'I'm sorry's', the 'I hope she gets better soon' and 'I'm here if you need me' as though you weren't going to get through it. I couldn't fucking stand it."
to be continued....
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