The first round of Brinley's cries that woke Juliet that night, were ignored. She had held enough confidence that her daughter would have it all under control and wouldn't need the extra support. However, it wasn't until she had been woken a few times later that Juliet did finally react in panic.
Rushing down the dark hallway and heading for Grace's room, she pushed open the door to see her daughter pacing back and forth while rocking her little girl in her arms. As the 22 year old turned to make her next lap of the room, she looked over and caught her mum's gaze. It was too late to hide the state she was in at that point, Juliet could already see her red eyes, as the tears continued to fall down her face.
"Grace." Juliet whispered, feeling like her heart was breaking. "It's okay."
Shaking her head, Grace was desperately trying to hold back the tears but at this point it was no use, it was impossible.
"I can't do it. I can't do it mum." She continued to cry and Juliet was watching on in pain.
She was reliving her past. She was watching her 22 year old daughter and was able to fully understand what she was going through. Juliet had been there. She had been young and scared, feeling as though she was incapable. She knew how that felt. It was the most excruciating and guilt-filled pain she had ever experienced.
Taking the few steps necessary to be stood in front of Grace, Juliet didn't waste anytime in wrapping her arms around her. She wanted to provide her with the comfort and reassurance she knew she needed however, Juliet also knew it wouldn't be easy to give it to her. Nothing anyone did or said was going to help right now... but she tried anyway.
"That's not true. Of course you can do it, sweetheart. You're doing amazing."
"Then why won't she stop crying?" Grace exasperated as she pulled out of her mum's arms and looked down to her daughter, still held in her own. "I've tried everything!"
Looking down to Brinley, who looked just as distressed as Grace did, Juliet ran her thumb gently over her soft cheek before looking back up to Grace.
"This happens sometimes. We've just got to do a bit of trial and error to see what she's trying to tell you." Juliet said, desperately trying to provide some reassurance.
Although Grace still felt useless in a situation she thought she should have had control over, her mum's voice was somewhat soothing. Just the simple fact that she was no longer alone gave her some hope that this wasn't the end of the world.
"What have you tried so far?"
"I tried feeding her." Grace began, still choking on her words as she spoke. "I changed her, I made sure she wasn't too hot or cold, I made sure she didn't have a temperature... I've tried everything mum. She just won't stop crying."
"How about we take her for a drive? We could go around the block a few times to see if that soothes her." Juliet suggested while her daughter looked back at her in confusion.
"What will that do?"
"Trust me, it used to work for you all the time. You'd cry for no reason too and somehow, the gentle motions of the car would send you straight back off to sleep."
Although Grace didn't have much hope in her mum's suggestion, she was willing to try anything at this point. She was exhausted and had barely slept for days. If driving around the block would be the miracle to send her daughter to sleep then she was very willing to take it.
Motherhood was not easy, that was a fact however, it was moments like this that she really appreciated having her mum around. Doing this alone may have been the most terrifying thing in the whole world but it also had its perks. Living at home with her mum and stepdad meant she constantly had support from people who knew what they were doing. They had been through this, so in Grace's mind, they were the role models she was more than willing to look up to.
Having a baby had made her realise how much she truly treasured her mum. This had most definitely been the time she had needed her most in her whole life.
...
The next morning...
"How are you feeling now?" Harvey asked as he sat across the table from Grace.
It was the morning after Grace's incident with Brinley and the pair had decided to meet in a coffee shop. Harvey had been one of the first people Grace had text in her emotional and hopeless state, so he had made sure she agreed to meet him today.
"Okay." She nodded as she looked over her daughter who was fast asleep in her carrier. There was such a relief to finally see her daughter at peace after hearing her scream for what felt like hours.
"What did you do in the end?"
"My mum took us out for a drive and that seemed to settle her. Apparently that used to work for me too."
"See, like mother, like daughter." Harvey grinned as he reached over to brush his thumb over Brinley's hand.
In reaction to his touch, the baby girl stirred in her sleep before wrapping her tiny hand around around Harvey's thumb. Grace watched on with a smile on her face and when Harvey glimpsed over at her, she noticed his grin too.
"Please don't let go. She might start crying again." Grace warned and Harvey nodded his head.
"I won't. I'm a pro at this."
"Oh yeah? I should have got you to come over last night then, shouldn't I?"
"She would have stopped crying within seconds." Harvey teased, causing Grace to roll her eyes.
"Being an uncle to so many kids has made you a little expert then, has it?"
"Something like that."
Although Harvey was in no rush to have kids of his own, the fact that two of his siblings were constantly bringing kids into this world made sure he was incredibly satisfied. He was able to have the joys of being around the kids as the fun uncle, without having the responsibility of actually being a parent.
"But no, in all seriousness..." Harvey began when he noticed Grace's eyes fixated on her baby. "... you're doing amazing, Grace."
Removing her eyes from Brinley for a moment, Grace turned to look at Harvey. She could see the sincerity in his eyes and she wanted to believe it but it was so difficult. She held so much doubt in herself and everyday felt so painful.
She never planned for any of this to happen. She didn't want to be a 22 year old single mum; that had never been in her plans. However, when it did happen and she felt like her life had come crashing down, she had held a small amount of hope that she could do this alone. Part of her had naively believed that it would be easy; her mum had done it, her brother had also had kids young and had managed fine, but she wasn't like them. They made it look easy but for Grace, it had been anything but.
Being left to do this alone, with the sad excuse of a father thinking he held no responsibilities, had made this the most difficult thing she had done in her whole life.
"I wouldn't say I'm doing amazing..." Grace began, now wanting to avoid Harvey's eye contact even though he was desperately trying to hold onto hers. "...take last night for example."
"You're so hard on yourself. You're doing this alone and last night was completely out of your control. Brinley is the happiest baby ever and that's all down to you." Harvey stressed, desperately wanting Grace to see what he saw, but he knew it wouldn't be easy.
"I don't know... look at James, he's got his whole life under control. Then here I am, still relying on my mum for everything when I'm supposed to be a mum to my own baby."
"James' has Ellie. He's not doing it on his own."
"I know but still, I have my mum yet I still struggle more."
"That's not the same Grace and you know it. Your mum isn't your partner, Brinley isn't her baby."
Taking a sip from the tea in front of her, Grace continued to avoid Harvey's gaze. She wanted to believe him, she really did but nothing he said stuck. She constantly found something to counteract every compliment he gave, even if she didn't believe herself. It was exhausting.
"I guess..." Grace trailed off, as she placed her mug back down onto the table. Then before she had chance to figure out what to say next, she suddenly felt a warm hand reach out to touch hers and give it a squeeze. It all happened so quickly, but that small gesture made her whole body fill with butterflies and cause her heart to start pounding against her chest.
"Trust me." Harvey said, and his voice was so soft and full of warmth.
In that moment, Grace wasn't sure what to say or do. Although Harvey had only touched her for a second, she was finding it incredibly difficult to find some composure once again. She couldn't even look him in the eyes in fear of him reading right through her flustered state, so instead her eyes remained focused on the mug in front of her as she spoke.
"Um, so... er, how are you and Lottie now?"
She could feel Harvey's eyes on her, and just giving him a small glimpse made her instantly notice how relaxed he was by this whole exchange. She didn't know how he was doing it but she knew her reaction to it all was completely wrong.
"It's still pretty shit. We keep arguing over everything, it's exhausting." Harvey sighed while leaning back into his chair.
"Over what?"
"Just everything. I piss her off, she pisses me off."
"Aren't you supposed to be planning a wedding?" Grace asked, considering the pair had been engaged for well over a year now.
"In her mind, yeah. In mine, no." Harvey responded and his bluntness took her slightly by surprise. It was clear he had noticed it too because he very quickly tried to explain himself. "I proposed because I want to marry her... but not yet. I wanted to be engaged for a while and not start planning a wedding right away."
"And she wants to get married now?"
"Yeah, we've just got a difference of opinions on the whole thing. She thought an engagement meant we intended on getting married as soon as possible. I guess I didn't quite communicate what I meant by the engagement but I didn't think I had to."
It was difficult because although Grace understood where Harvey was coming from, she also understood how Lottie was probably feeling. She had likely gotten excited by the engagement as a huge step in their commitment for one another. Therefore, to find out that Harvey had actually just wanted to be engaged for 5 plus years before even tying the knot was probably a little confusing.
"Maybe she thinks you don't want to marry her anymore."
"Yeah." Harvey shrugged his shoulders and it was then that Grace finally looked up and gave him eye contact.
"You do still want to get married right?"
Playing with the phone in his hand, Harvey began nodding his head before shortly after shrugging his shoulders.
"I do but I don't. I love her but we've together since we were like 17. That's a long fucking time and I don't know what it's like to be with someone else, you know? I'm scared we're falling into a weird place where we're together for the sake of being together, if that makes sense. We're not the same people we were when we were 17."
"I get it." Grace agreed, even though she didn't actually get it. She'd never experienced a relationship that long, heck, she hadn't even experienced a serious relationship at all, so it was difficult to relate. However, she could imagine how Harvey was feeling, even more so as Lottie and Harvey had always been very different.
"I probably sound like an absolute twat, sorry." Harvey added, looking slightly uncomfortable for the first time.
"No, no, you don't. Relationships aren't easy. You're probably going through a lot right now."
"But not as much as you. So we really don't need to make this about me."
"Please, I've had enough of talking about me for once." Grace chuckled, lightening the mood a little. "I feel like that's all that ever happens now. I've become the most self-observed person ever."
"You just gave birth, I think that makes it acceptable." Harvey laughed, and Grace couldn't help but feel those butterflies flow through her once again as she watched him.
This boy was full of so much warmth and was able to lift any mood when he was around. It was like a breath of fresh air from the week she had experienced, yet she couldn't help but feel like everything she was thinking and feeling was completely wrong.
"What will that do?"
"Trust me, it used to work for you all the time. You'd cry for no reason too and somehow, the gentle motions of the car would send you straight back off to sleep."
Although Grace didn't have much hope in her mum's suggestion, she was willing to try anything at this point. She was exhausted and had barely slept for days. If driving around the block would be the miracle to send her daughter to sleep then she was very willing to take it.
Motherhood was not easy, that was a fact however, it was moments like this that she really appreciated having her mum around. Doing this alone may have been the most terrifying thing in the whole world but it also had its perks. Living at home with her mum and stepdad meant she constantly had support from people who knew what they were doing. They had been through this, so in Grace's mind, they were the role models she was more than willing to look up to.
Having a baby had made her realise how much she truly treasured her mum. This had most definitely been the time she had needed her most in her whole life.
...
The next morning...
"How are you feeling now?" Harvey asked as he sat across the table from Grace.
It was the morning after Grace's incident with Brinley and the pair had decided to meet in a coffee shop. Harvey had been one of the first people Grace had text in her emotional and hopeless state, so he had made sure she agreed to meet him today.
"Okay." She nodded as she looked over her daughter who was fast asleep in her carrier. There was such a relief to finally see her daughter at peace after hearing her scream for what felt like hours.
"What did you do in the end?"
"My mum took us out for a drive and that seemed to settle her. Apparently that used to work for me too."
"See, like mother, like daughter." Harvey grinned as he reached over to brush his thumb over Brinley's hand.
In reaction to his touch, the baby girl stirred in her sleep before wrapping her tiny hand around around Harvey's thumb. Grace watched on with a smile on her face and when Harvey glimpsed over at her, she noticed his grin too.
"Please don't let go. She might start crying again." Grace warned and Harvey nodded his head.
"I won't. I'm a pro at this."
"Oh yeah? I should have got you to come over last night then, shouldn't I?"
"She would have stopped crying within seconds." Harvey teased, causing Grace to roll her eyes.
"Being an uncle to so many kids has made you a little expert then, has it?"
"Something like that."
Although Harvey was in no rush to have kids of his own, the fact that two of his siblings were constantly bringing kids into this world made sure he was incredibly satisfied. He was able to have the joys of being around the kids as the fun uncle, without having the responsibility of actually being a parent.
"But no, in all seriousness..." Harvey began when he noticed Grace's eyes fixated on her baby. "... you're doing amazing, Grace."
Removing her eyes from Brinley for a moment, Grace turned to look at Harvey. She could see the sincerity in his eyes and she wanted to believe it but it was so difficult. She held so much doubt in herself and everyday felt so painful.
She never planned for any of this to happen. She didn't want to be a 22 year old single mum; that had never been in her plans. However, when it did happen and she felt like her life had come crashing down, she had held a small amount of hope that she could do this alone. Part of her had naively believed that it would be easy; her mum had done it, her brother had also had kids young and had managed fine, but she wasn't like them. They made it look easy but for Grace, it had been anything but.
Being left to do this alone, with the sad excuse of a father thinking he held no responsibilities, had made this the most difficult thing she had done in her whole life.
"I wouldn't say I'm doing amazing..." Grace began, now wanting to avoid Harvey's eye contact even though he was desperately trying to hold onto hers. "...take last night for example."
"You're so hard on yourself. You're doing this alone and last night was completely out of your control. Brinley is the happiest baby ever and that's all down to you." Harvey stressed, desperately wanting Grace to see what he saw, but he knew it wouldn't be easy.
"I don't know... look at James, he's got his whole life under control. Then here I am, still relying on my mum for everything when I'm supposed to be a mum to my own baby."
"James' has Ellie. He's not doing it on his own."
"I know but still, I have my mum yet I still struggle more."
"That's not the same Grace and you know it. Your mum isn't your partner, Brinley isn't her baby."
Taking a sip from the tea in front of her, Grace continued to avoid Harvey's gaze. She wanted to believe him, she really did but nothing he said stuck. She constantly found something to counteract every compliment he gave, even if she didn't believe herself. It was exhausting.
"I guess..." Grace trailed off, as she placed her mug back down onto the table. Then before she had chance to figure out what to say next, she suddenly felt a warm hand reach out to touch hers and give it a squeeze. It all happened so quickly, but that small gesture made her whole body fill with butterflies and cause her heart to start pounding against her chest.
"Trust me." Harvey said, and his voice was so soft and full of warmth.
In that moment, Grace wasn't sure what to say or do. Although Harvey had only touched her for a second, she was finding it incredibly difficult to find some composure once again. She couldn't even look him in the eyes in fear of him reading right through her flustered state, so instead her eyes remained focused on the mug in front of her as she spoke.
"Um, so... er, how are you and Lottie now?"
She could feel Harvey's eyes on her, and just giving him a small glimpse made her instantly notice how relaxed he was by this whole exchange. She didn't know how he was doing it but she knew her reaction to it all was completely wrong.
"It's still pretty shit. We keep arguing over everything, it's exhausting." Harvey sighed while leaning back into his chair.
"Over what?"
"Just everything. I piss her off, she pisses me off."
"Aren't you supposed to be planning a wedding?" Grace asked, considering the pair had been engaged for well over a year now.
"In her mind, yeah. In mine, no." Harvey responded and his bluntness took her slightly by surprise. It was clear he had noticed it too because he very quickly tried to explain himself. "I proposed because I want to marry her... but not yet. I wanted to be engaged for a while and not start planning a wedding right away."
"And she wants to get married now?"
"Yeah, we've just got a difference of opinions on the whole thing. She thought an engagement meant we intended on getting married as soon as possible. I guess I didn't quite communicate what I meant by the engagement but I didn't think I had to."
It was difficult because although Grace understood where Harvey was coming from, she also understood how Lottie was probably feeling. She had likely gotten excited by the engagement as a huge step in their commitment for one another. Therefore, to find out that Harvey had actually just wanted to be engaged for 5 plus years before even tying the knot was probably a little confusing.
"Maybe she thinks you don't want to marry her anymore."
"Yeah." Harvey shrugged his shoulders and it was then that Grace finally looked up and gave him eye contact.
"You do still want to get married right?"
Playing with the phone in his hand, Harvey began nodding his head before shortly after shrugging his shoulders.
"I do but I don't. I love her but we've together since we were like 17. That's a long fucking time and I don't know what it's like to be with someone else, you know? I'm scared we're falling into a weird place where we're together for the sake of being together, if that makes sense. We're not the same people we were when we were 17."
"I get it." Grace agreed, even though she didn't actually get it. She'd never experienced a relationship that long, heck, she hadn't even experienced a serious relationship at all, so it was difficult to relate. However, she could imagine how Harvey was feeling, even more so as Lottie and Harvey had always been very different.
"I probably sound like an absolute twat, sorry." Harvey added, looking slightly uncomfortable for the first time.
"No, no, you don't. Relationships aren't easy. You're probably going through a lot right now."
"But not as much as you. So we really don't need to make this about me."
"Please, I've had enough of talking about me for once." Grace chuckled, lightening the mood a little. "I feel like that's all that ever happens now. I've become the most self-observed person ever."
"You just gave birth, I think that makes it acceptable." Harvey laughed, and Grace couldn't help but feel those butterflies flow through her once again as she watched him.
This boy was full of so much warmth and was able to lift any mood when he was around. It was like a breath of fresh air from the week she had experienced, yet she couldn't help but feel like everything she was thinking and feeling was completely wrong.
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